May 2013
2 posts
Dear readers and followers...
Since my last “personal” post in December, I have had major surgery to remove my gall bladder and large parts of my pancreas, small intestine, and stomach. I have been diagnosed with stage II pancreatic cancer, and just finished a 7-week cycle of chemo last week. I will probably start a 5-week cycle of radiation next month, maybe more chemo, I don’t know. I have a CaT scan scheduled for later this...
No One is Immune to Falling Victim to a... →
Encouraging article on getting involved with a narcissist, and beautifully articulated description of how they “get” their victims. No shame in getting caught in the trap… they’re equal opportunity predators and masters of the game. Enjoy!
December 2012
1 post
Dear Followers and Readers
There have been some major developments in my personal life since June, 2012, which is why my posting ground to a halt for 6 months.
On July 5th, 2012 I had a complete emotional breakdown. I checked myself in a psychiatric facility and spent 4 days there. I left with a Prozac prescription for clinical depression. Emotionally, I’m feeling much, much better now. ;)
On December 6th, 2012 my...
June 2012
36 posts
12 tags
CSA- Personality Disorders: Unchosen Relationships
Unchosen Relationships
Unchosen relationships are relationships with family members who suffer from personality disorders.
Unchosen is a term used to describe those of us who did not choose their relationship to a person with a personality disorder. Some of us have parents with this disorder; others have a sibling, in-laws, or other familial relationships. We did not choose this relationship the...
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CSA- Personality Disorders: Chosen Relationships
Chosen Relationships
Are you in a relationship with someone whom you suspect may have a personality disorder?
If the answer is “yes” then you are a “Chosen” and you’ve come to the right place!
Chosen Relationships is the term that we use to describe those of us who are in a marriage, partnership or romantic relationship with someone who suffers from a personality...
12 tags
NPD: Narcissistic Tools
The tools of the narcissist
The narcissist uses five main tools. These are gifts, affection, withdrawal, threats and violence and in exactly this order. Gifts: Gifts can be used in two ways. They can either be a symbol of submission or a symbol of demand. Free people generally do not give gifts because they have what they want and do not want to submit nor demand. The communication between the...
5 tags
NPD and Misconceptions
Misconceptions about the Narcissist
There is much written about the narcissist on the internet and, so I believe, much of it is wrong.
There is the opinion that the narcissist needs narcissistic supply. Well, this is quite possibly the fact which is most wrong.
What the narcissist needs most, is support and that is mostly on a material level. So, if you notice that you end up helping a partner...
14 tags
Sex and the Narcissist [TW]
The Sexual Relationship with a Narcissist
The sexual relationship with the narcissist is most peculiar. Narcissists are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. Intimacy does not exist and you will frequently feel used. The narcissist will demand that you subdue yourself. Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. Narcissists have a...
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Narcissist: Many Faces, Many Mirrors
The Many Faces of a Narcissist
Narcissists project different images on different mirrors.
This is partly because any particular acting job may draw a favorable response from one mirror and an unfavorable response from another. For example, liberal-bashing produces a gratifying reflection in a right-wing mirror, while conservative-bashing produces a gratifying reflection in a left-wing mirror. A...
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Connexions: "Alcoholism, Narcissism, and...
“Shunning the disease model of alcoholism, this book delineates how narcissistic injury in early life acts as the basic psychogenic, etiological, component of addictive drinking. It provides an innovative analysis of the interrelationships between the alcoholic’s overt behavioral disorders and his or her psychological make_up. Early chapters explore the role of narcissistic injury in...
“Run to our friends. Go. See what that will get you. Ridicule. People believe...”
– Malignant Self Love
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Food for Thought on NPD: Spilling the Beans
Who Has the Right to Know (and Judge)?
If you believe a partner, loved one, or family member is a narcissist, or if a professional has told you he believes this to be the case, you may be tempted to inform the narcissist about her condition. However, because of their denial system, narcissists believe they are not to blame for anything. They usually don’t believe they have the problem. You would...
“TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS. There may not be a way to explain it, but when it comes...”
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“A Good Mother Loves Her Children Unconditionally, No Matter What.”
By Sam Vaknin Author of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”
But what about narcissistic or psychopathic children, children suffering from conduct disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder)?
Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or,...
5 tags
The Making of a Narcissist: Fortress
“Mother tells me not to say anything at school about what is happening at home. Nothing is happening at home. Come morning, I wake up from my restless sleep and either I wetted my bed or I didn’t. If I did, mother silently packs off my soaked pajamas and the damp sheets, casting a harsh glance at the black stain that seeps into the bed’s upholstery. The house already reeks and...
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NPD - Levels and Subtypes
LEVELS OF NARCISSISM:
The Craving Narcissist: Despite the typical inflated ego of NPD, craving narcissists are extremely needy and emotionally clingy, or demanding of love and attention of those around them.
The Paranoid Narcissist: Paranoid narcissists are the opposite of craving narcissists. Inwardly the paranoid narcissist is filled with self-loathing and projects that outward, usually...
“The reality is more likely that alcoholism and other addictions, like...”
My Grand Fata Morgana: NPD and the Codependent:... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
My heart compels me to him / Ah, could I touch and hold him / And kiss him as I wanted / With his kisses I could perish / Oh, could I perish with him / Oh, could I kiss him as I wanted / My peace is gone / My heart is heavy / I can find it never, nevermore / If I cannot have him -Franz…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Are You Involved With A... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
Do you frequently feel as if you exist to listen to or admire his or her special talents and sensitivities?
Do you frequently feel hurt or annoyed that you do not get your turn and, if you do, the interest and quality of attention is significantly less than the kind of attention you give?
Do you…
My Grand Fata Morgana: There Is Hope... At Least... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
“Your first real evidence of the degree of unhealthy narcissism will most likely occur when you either decline a request or assert a need of your own. Because of the NPD individual’s need for power, control and special consideration, he has already been securing these things in the relationship….
My Grand Fata Morgana: CSA - "Surviving A... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
“Have you suddenly found yourself in a relationship with someone who no longer understands you? Someone you no longer understand?
In the beginning was he too good to be true? A prince in shining armor, who later turned critical, demeaning and even cruel? Does everything seem to be ALL ABOUT HIM?…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Living and Coping With NPD →
mygrandfatamorgana:
It’s Not Your Fault
We are always encouraged in everything to do our best, to try again and again until we succeed. You probably have done so with the narcissist or person with NPD in your life. Maybe you have tried to tell him how you feel or describe the way things play out. But this person…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Suffering from and Moving... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
Redefining Your Family
Families make for great comedies and real tragedies. All families have both positive and negative attributes. But many families do have one or more members with dysfunctional behaviors and then become dysfunctional as a whole, which can include mild narcissism to severe…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Boundaries - Setting the... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
Setting the Ground Rules
Many individuals from narcissistic families are uncomfortable setting any ground rules or boundaries for fear of disappointing others. But therapists often suggest learning how to set ground rules with family members to gain more personal control and to help you with…
6 tags
My Grand Fata Morgana: Living with a Narcissistic... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
For many of us, struggling to live with an abusive partner, the first handhold we need to grasp is that we are not crazy. Whether the person we live with has narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy, or alcoholism, people who…
6 tags
NPD and Relationships - Living In A Bubble
In the narcissist’s worldview, like the death of Narcissus at the side of his own reflection, all human relationships are doomed from the start. This strong belief usually comes from some kind of early childhood trauma or negative experience that caused feelings of humiliation, betrayal, or abandonment.
Even though this belief may have been formed many years ago, to the narcissist any emotional...
23 tags
Kid Gloves: Holding Your Own With A Narcissist
Living relationships, work relationships—all relationships—have clashes in personalities at times. But normally, people have healthy ways of resolving them. With a narcissist, however, resolving clashes is an almost impossible challenge; he will fight to be right, and it can easily happen that you are victimized or abused in the process. You may let some things slide, but you should have zero...
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“Most narcissists fear not being in control or a loss of control. Therefore the...”
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Narcissists and The Abusive Mentality
“Most abusers are men. Still, some are women. We use the masculine and feminine adjectives and pronouns (‘he”, his”, “him”, “she”, her”) to designate both sexes: male and female as the case may be. To embark on our exploration of the abusive mind, we first need to agree on a taxonomy of abusive behaviours. Methodically observing abuse is the...
“Personality disorders involve deeply ingrained, inflexible, unhealthy patterns...”
My Grand Fata Morgana: Boundaries - Setting the... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
Setting the Ground Rules
Many individuals from narcissistic families are uncomfortable setting any ground rules or boundaries for fear of disappointing others. But therapists often suggest learning how to set ground rules with family members to gain more personal control and to help you with…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Suffering from and Moving... →
mygrandfatamorgana:
Redefining Your Family
Families make for great comedies and real tragedies. All families have both positive and negative attributes. But many families do have one or more members with dysfunctional behaviors and then become dysfunctional as a whole, which can include mild narcissism to severe…
My Grand Fata Morgana: Living and Coping With NPD →
mygrandfatamorgana:
It’s Not Your Fault
We are always encouraged in everything to do our best, to try again and again until we succeed. You probably have done so with the narcissist or person with NPD in your life. Maybe you have tried to tell him how you feel or describe the way things play out. But this person…
4 tags
“Another way to think of personality is, “Who am I?” Narcissists do not have an...”
19 tags
Alphabet Soup: NPD, Cluster B, and Other...
Comparing NPD to Other Personality Disorders
You can’t compare apples to oranges, but you can compare NPD to other personality disorders. One of the reasons that there has been so much debate over whether or not narcissism even qualifies as a personality disorder is because its risk factors, causes, and symptoms can often overlap or occur with other emotional illnesses.
Varieties of Personality...
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“Narcissists are manipulators and abusers; they can sense weakness in another...”
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Living With A Narcissist? Red Flags
[A] way to tell if you are living with a narcissist whose behavior is damaging the relationship is to look at your own behaviors. How do you feel? Are you on your guard often? Do you alter your behavior to keep your partner happy, even if you are betraying your own desires and needs? Is your relationship one-sided? Do you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells?
Take a good look at the...
10 tags
NPD - Effects on Loved Ones
How Loved Ones Are Affected
Everyone has some kind of family, immediate or extended; we all have loved ones in our lives. And all families, even seemingly happy ones, usually include some disagreements, ups and downs, and the need sometimes to work things out.
But when a family member or a significant other is a potential narcissist or has NPD, whether he is a parent or sibling, the family...
May 2012
42 posts
“Narcissists are the emotional equivalent of an alcoholic. As with alcoholics or...”
30 tags
NPD 101 - DENIAL AND MORE
Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place – or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser’s ability to “look at himself/herself in the mirror”. There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the topic altogether. Total Denial 1. Outright Denial Typical retorts by the abuser:...
“The popular misconception is that narcissists love themselves. In reality, they...”
NPD 101 - Inside The Soul of the Narcissist
“We all love ourselves. That seems to be such an instinctively true statement that we do not bother to examine it more thoroughly. In our daily affairs – in love, in business, in other areas of life – we act on this premise. Yet, upon closer inspection, it looks shakier.
Some people explicitly state that they do not love themselves at all (they are ego-dystonic). Others confine their lack...
“The word narcissism in its most fundamental sense means a tendency to...”
7 tags
NPD - Abuse in Lieu of Intimacy
“It is an established fact that abuse – verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual – co-occurs with intimacy. Most reported offenses are between intimate partners and between parents and children. This defies common sense. Emotionally, it should be easier to batter, molest, assault, or humiliate a total stranger. It’s as if intimacy CAUSES abuse, incubates and nurtures it.
...
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NPD - Narcissist As Cult Guru
The narcissist is the guru at the centre of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his flock: his spouse, his offspring, other family members, friends, and colleagues. He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his followers. He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He enforces discipline, adherence to his teachings, and common goals. The less accomplished...
9 tags
NPD - How Aware Is The Narcissist About His/Her...
Do Narcissists Know?
“Do narcissists know what they’re doing is wrong?”
“Do narcissists know they hurt you?”
“Do narcissists know they’re doing bad things?”
“Do narcissists know what they do?”
Do…Narcissists…Know?!
Everybody wants to know if narcissists are aware of the pain they’re causing, and whether or...
5 tags
“Beware of [narcissists], who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they...”
– Adapted from Matthew 7:15-16
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NPD - Giving Only To Get
Some narcissists are ostentatiously generous – they donate to charity, lavish gifts on their closest, abundantly provide for their nearest and dearest, and, in general, are open-handed and unstintingly benevolent. How can this be reconciled with the pronounced lack of empathy and with the pernicious self-preoccupation that is so typical of narcissists?
The act of giving enhances the...
